One of the most interesting spiritual shifts I’ve observed with my clients since the pandemic has been in regard to friendships.
There are so many friendships that crashed upon the rocks of the pandemic. Where others battened down & weathered the storm, emerging stronger in the aftermath.
There are so many reasons why friendships fail. It gets harder as you get older to make new friends. This can be due to busy family lives, duties & obligations outside of work. Sadly leaving little room for friends.
However since the pandemic, the lid was lifted on one sided friendships. Those that had a transactional value or those that simply had been around for so many years you were used to their bad behaviour. These individuals are usually the friend that comes with a warning.
The one who would stick you with a bill! The one who was dangerous after a few drinks. The one you couldn’t trust with a secret etc
Death is the great leveller in life.
When it visits your family you are never the same again. You are changed in many ways.
Since our collective mortality came into question during the covid years, we began to awaken to energy vampires around our workplace and in our social circles. We became acutely aware of those that stood in the shadows and did nothing and those that rolled up their sleeves and got stuck in.
You could be reading this and realise which one were you!
As we simply stopped allowing our energy to be wasted by those that didn’t value us, or let’s be honest didn’t have any respect for us to begin with!
We can become very passive aggressive when it comes to ending a friendship. Rather than dealing with it maturely and discussing it with the offending party , we ghost them or freeze them out until the get the message….eventually!
I’ve been on the receiving end of both lessons. I’ve been ghosted and ghosted due to my own emotional immaturity in the past. Sometimes we avoid people as we simply don’t want any drama in our lives.
Yet, true growth & wisdom comes from embracing our shadow. Owning our character flaws and if possible getting to the root of the issue.
There is always a lesson to be learned from the ending of a friendship. You have to look at yourself honestly and leave out self delusion and escape into denial. It’s very tempting to print someone as a user in villainous hues and not own your own shit! Did you benefit in some way from the arrangement?
Were you being honest with yourself? Did you verbalise your emotions? Before you tread the martyrs path, look at the ways you may have come from a reactive place and whereby your assumptions could’ve led to wires being crossed.
Sadly when betrayal enters a friendship the sacred foundation of friendship is broken. An individual places themselves as higher than the friendship itself and Sacrifices the friendship on the alter of lust , ambition or jealousy.
My Mum has an expression that if you can go through life and count on one hand the true friends you have, you’re doing very well!
When you can look back with gratitude on a friendship that ended, you know you’ve healed & integrated the pain.
After you integrate that pain you can extract the tiny Pearl of wisdom contained within.
If you still think of that person and want to spit nails, you’re still integrating the lesson but trust me the longer you stay in victim hood the more reactive you will be with any new friends that enter your life.
As the clocks have sprung forward , ask yourself are you a good friend? Is there anything you can do to nurture a new friendship? How are your boundaries?
If you feel good about these questions then get out there and make some new friends and use the lessons learned to help distinguish a genuine friend from a poisonous foe!
Have a great month