Christmas can be a tough time if you’re missing a loved one.
Everywhere there are reminders of how you should be happy & celebrating.
We all grieve differently. There is no one size fits all in the bereavement department.
For some, carrying on family traditions , decorating the tree can bring comfort. For others it can have the opposite effect. The very thought of putting up decorations can fill you with dread. The same goes for graveyards. They can be places full of tranquility & peace for some, whereas for others they may feel angry that their loved one is here, serving as a reminder how quickly their life ended. We are all different. It is so important to listen to your intuition. What feels right for you may not feel right for another.
We can grieve for the same family member completely differently.
It’s so important to look after your mental health during the grieving process.
Don’t try and do what is expected of you. Set healthy boundaries with family & friends. Sometimes co-workers & colleagues can be incredibly insensitive, so you may have to avoid certain water -cooler conversations etc. However, some feel incredibly supported by their colleagues and find other family members difficult to deal with!
You do you!
Know that your loved one is at peace and sending you signs very personal to you. It could be that song on the radio, a butterfly in December or a Facebook memory that pops up, just as you’re thinking about them! Spirit are amazing at letting us know they are watching over us. Lastly, if you haven’t got a sign , please know grief is akin to pouring black treacle over our energy field. It can numb us to the gentle signs that surround us, making you feel indifferent, apathetic & cynical.
You will not stay like this.
You are in transition.
If however you have been feeling like this for several months, it may be time to seek out professional help. There are some amazing bereavement counsellors out there. You may have to do a bit of research or ask around, but it’s well worth it.
Don’t isolate yourself.
There are days when solitude is a blessing & a comfort. However, there are days where you may feel like company. simple chores , such as sorting through laundry or putting up Christmas decorations will fly by when you’ve another pair of hands helping.
Stop feeling like a burden.
You’re not. You’ve just had a major life event happen to you.
Your emotional landscape has shifted irrevocably and you will never be the same again. Grief splits your heart in two and it takes time to acclimatise to this next chapter.
There is no time scale on grief.
You simply get better at masking or managing it. The loss we will carry in our hearts forever, but we also carry those precious memories too.
This Holiday season be gentle with yourself. If there’s little people involved you may have to put a brave face on and soldier through for their sakes. Make a promise to do something for yourself after the holidays have passed. Give yourself something to look forward to.
I have found volunteering for charities or organizations has helped me feel connected and put my sorrow into perspective. It’s helped me feel normal when I felt ungrounded.
Connecting with nature. Reading a good book in front of the fire. Taking a social media break. Booking a sun holiday!
Do whatever feels right in your heart. Your loved one is at peace and all they want , is to help you find the peace in your heart that you truly deserve.
Wishing you a peaceful , healthy & loving Christmas
Fiona x
