I speak to jaded singles every day. They are worn out from various dating apps, some more nefarious than others. I’m all for hook ups if that’s your thing! You do you Boo! As I always say!
I equate dating apps to Alleyways. If it’s in an overpopulated area
And you walk down a particular alley on a certain time of night, there will more than likely be a calibre of person you will meet. Now you can be lucky and meet a person who has no idea this area of town was dodgy, but these cases are rare and uncommon. If you visit a gated area (paid subscription/ dating coach), you tend to know the type of people that frequent this area and are less likely to be ambushed. You can also try your luck with socialising in establishments around these alleyways that are known for singles etc. Again it’s pot luck and not for the faint hearted.
You can meet with rejection after rejection. Dating is not for the faint hearted.
Sometimes the cycle feels endless. Love, acceptance , confusion, ghosting, heartbreak , rejection.
Especially if you’ve come out of a long term relationship/ marriage, it can feel as if the goalposts have not only changed ,but the pitch & the rules are completely different!
Ever watch a conversation between gen x & millennials on dating? It’s hilarious! I’ve clutched my pearls when a stingy date once asked to split the bill. (He never got a 2nd!)
Yet , splitting the bill today is as casual and carries way less moral weight than before! ( I will still die on my sword on this one but I’m a gen x’r!!!).
Let’s factor in The pandemic skip into this. Our emotional, physical & financial lives were frozen in 2020. Then life finally got fully back to normal this year and for a lot of us we are still dealing with the psychological after effects of living through a modern plague.
Our entire ability to socialise has been impacted. This isn’t simply an issue for singles , settled folk wanting to make friends and get out & be social again have also been impacted.
We have been universally conditioned to stay inside and we still have a trauma response to new events & social situations. Remember in the early days and someone sneezed? Remember when seeing someone without a mask , felt like- ‘spot the asshole!’.
So if you’re feeling as if there’s something wrong with you, there isn’t! You’ve lived through a bloody pandemic! A lot of people didn’t.
We all went a bit weird……
Everyone has different ways of coping. Mine was workaholic mode! It was far from ideal but since I received my adhd diagnosis makes perfect sense for helping my nervous system cope with the world falling apart!
So forgive yourself if the wheels came off and the pounds piled on! Your poor nervous system was like a hamster free wheeling down a steep hill! Just keep going….where to, I don’t know but keep going!!! Food gives the body endorphins, which is akin to a feel good boost! Did you know chocolate contains serotonin? All of us in the horrors of PMS do!!!
Your brilliant body was just doing its job.
During a plague.
Have I mentioned that?
So the plagues over until the next global Pandora’s box is opened! It’s time to dip your toe out there again. Let’s not focus on those alleyways just yet, as they scare the bejaysus out of me!
Let’s look at simply working on our wonky social battery?
How’s about once a week volunteering at a cause you feel strongly about? It’s time to start breaking out of that comfort zone. Simple things such as, instead of online shopping, buy local! Sit in for a coffee at your coffee shop instead of grabbing your coffee and having it in your car (I do this all the time!).
Go back to an old hobby or something that ignited your curiosity. Send an email or letter to someone you lost touch with.
Do one thing.
No matter how small.
It’s a massive step forward.
Those wobbly baby steps will lead to more sure footing. You might be over ambitious and try a trampoline class , then ten minutes into said class feel you’re about to pass out from exertion and the instructor says “That’s the warm up done girls’”
Yes. It’s me! I’m the example!
So I started smaller gave myself a massive goal. The Camino calls me again. This time around I’ve been contacted by a wonderful business called ‘Magic Hill holidays’
I’m now in training for September 2024. I will talk more about it in Decembers blog, but for me it’s a massive step (no pun intended tee hee!) in focusing my goals, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and coming from a center authentic place.
The new celtic calendar year has already commenced with Samhain in the 31st of October. It’s officially New Year’s Day in the pagan calendar. Don’t leave it until January ….stop waiting til Monday! Get up off your arse and do one thing today that tomorrow will thank you for!
Have a fab month
Fiona x