I’m very careful what I consume on social media. In lockdown I enjoyed looking at palatial homes on Instagram and marvelled at influencers being gifted jewels and designer merchandise. It was escapism. 

I noticed after a while I became extremely bored and had started to zone out on such content. It’s felt like I was consuming fast food for my brain and five minutes after watching it I wasn’t fulfilled and was hungry again! 

There’s nothing wrong with switching off! Watching  influencers provided a great source of inspiration for shopping and had the added bonus of the discount codes that they provided, when something they were showcasing caught my eye! 

I just knew this wasn’t fulfilling me in any way. I noticed I was doom scrolling. Hours could fly by and I honestly could not tell you what I had been watching. 

I could easily find myself at 3am watching two chaps build a wooden swimming pool in the middle of a jungle , Armed with some twine and a machete!!! 

I now understand this was my parasympathetic nervous system’s response to the unpredictable world. We have all lived through unprecedented times in human history. Some of us got stronger and did a life evaluation, others’ mental health took a hammering! For those of us that didn’t see a massive change, came the realisation of how we had become prisoners to our comfort zones. We were safe & isolated. It took a global pandemic to make us realise how disconnected we had become from our social lives. We didn’t have any to miss! 

We all made promises to ourselves! How we would never let things get this bad again! How we would take up a hobby! Get back out dating! Reconnect with old friends. 

As life returned to normal, most of us swept those resolutions under the bed and were dragged back into offices and the mindsets that went with it. 

I loved David Bowie’s Labyrinth.  

One of the scenes was set in the bog of eternal stench , if so much as one of your toes touched it….you would carry the stench with you forever! 

It made me think about unhealed trauma and how no matter how much work we do, counselling we avail of , courses we attend and books we read, 

That pit of melancholy threatens to overwhelm us. 

There isn’t a Ted talk , salient tik tok or Reddit thread that can save you. No matter how much work you invest in yourself , you can still get worn down by those around you that will never hold themselves accountable. Ever. 

The wounded martyr 

The victim mentality

The aggressive passive aggressive! 

The manipulative codependent 

A few of the above may have indeed tried therapy (briefly but it didn’t work for them!) , they may have read a book or two, listened to the odd podcast. 

All this has done has given them a new thesaurus, in spewing their projectile bile  of insecurities and emotional reactivity onto those in the direct vicinity. 

What do you do on those days? 

When you literally feel the weariness of your existence on this planet settle on your spirit? 

You have lived through one of the most traumatic periods in recent human history. Think about that! Let’s consider how emotionally disconnected you have to be , that when the American senate announces there are actual alien space craft and biological matter in their possession…

Our reaction is a cynical eye roll. 

As nothing would surprise us anymore. 

As for those around us with unhealed trauma are stinking out the place with their opinions (zero facts ) and projecting left , right and centre. 

Any sense of banding together and in this together has truly flown the coop! 

It’s exhausting. 

You might find yourself slide back into people pleasing ways, get back with a toxic ex , Enable a loved one with addiction and the crippling Shame & guilt that goes with it. Comfort eating and drinking can get out of control , 

And before you realise it you’re on autopilot, being the dutiful daughter , wife, colleague etc 

While your energy reserves start to get hammered by continuous stressor’s in your environment! 

No one is coming to save you. 

Let that sit with you for a minute. Did you react? Did you get angry? Sneer? Get upset? Worse of all did you feel nothing? 

However there is complete and utter freedom connected to it.

No one is coming to save me.

The only person who has the power to do that is myself. 

I know what I need to do to rescue myself , I’ve just fallen back into bad habits and was hoping that the people or my environment might change! 

That is outside my control. 

The only thing I’ve ever had control of is my reactions to the people in my life and how I show up for myself every day. 

Setbacks are great teachers. So is failure. Don’t ever be afraid of it. I’ve had the most profound spiritual epiphanies when I’ve been lying on a hospital trolley or have had my heart broken.

Even when I was given the silent treatment, the answers it contained came screaming at me! 

Stop beating yourself up! 

Start by doing one thing each day for yourself. It could be getting up ten minutes early , it could be setting a boundary with a family member , it could even be going no contact with family for the sake of your mental health. 

Look after your mental health.

It’s so fragile and given what we’ve all just lived through , nurture it. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Right now in this moment. Thank your body. 

It’s got you through a deathly pandemic. 

It’s time to start taking baby steps toward those promises. 

One baby step today.

Another tomorrow 

But it’s time. 

Let’s do it together….

Have a good month 

Fiona

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