What Happens when your dreams are destroyed?
How do you pick up the pieces of your broken heart, once hope has left the building? What do you do when your get up and go has got up and gone?
Life can floor you.
Literally, there you are minding your own beeswax & it literally swipes the rug from underneath you.
Death, Betrayal, financial ruin, illness can visit you & change the emotional landscape of your life overnight.
It will change you.
You do not have any power over the circumstances but you do have control over your reaction & subsequent recovery.
Horrible things happen
to good people.
There are some horrible people in the world. These wounded souls thrive on manipulating, robbing, tricking & betraying the trust out of people who once considered them members of their soul family.
I find narcissists are the black holes of humanity. Sucking the energy from those closest to them. As that energy supply dries up , they move on (without a second thought) to their next willing victim & so on!
Let me be perfectly clear. They feel nothing. No Guilt. No remorse. Nothing.
Their life revolves around their own instant gratification & having their needs met.
If you are still waiting for an apology that never happened or trying to understand why they acted in the manner so uncharacteristic of them.
It may be time to give yourself the gift of letting go.
You do not have to forget what happened , hell you do not even have to forgive them!
You do need to stop playing the twisted memory on repeat. Thus also includes reading old text messages and replaying different scenarios in your head for the thousandth time.
You will literally make yourself ill.
You could still be carrying that box of darkness around with you. Clutching it to your chest as a constant reminder of that time you let your guard down. Your Ego loves to torture you with a million paper cut stings;
‘What you should of said’
‘Why you’re not good enough’
‘How you’ll never be enough’
In my sittings, I come across the most beautiful, kind souls that do not mix anymore. They’ve been betrayed one time too many and their answer to it , is to turn away from the world.
This is not the answer.
You need time to heal. Agreed.
Getting out in nature. Establishing a healthy routine.
Looking after your mental health & wellbeing are incredibly important.
Being broken hearted & retreating for awhile can be incredibly cathartic for the body & mind.
However Your comfort zone can turn into a prison real quick.
This is where you need to check in with yourself on the aul fear factor. Be honest with yourself. You may need to start therapy or go back to therapy. That’s perfectly ok.
It may be time to go back to work or pick up a course you deferred.
It’s also ok if you no longer want to go back to that job or continue on that course of study.
It’s ok to Quit
It’s ok to Fail
Just pick yourself up. Dust yourself down. Look at your weaknesses but don’t forget your strengths.
Love is a super power.
Don’t forget one second berate yourself for that beautiful heart of yours. Fortify the boundaries, fair enough. Don’t take strangers at their word, but allow someone to earn your trust. Do not close your heart off to new adventures or the possibility of meeting lovely people.
Do not allow another person’s carelessness destroy your tenderness. Do not give them that power. Take your power back now.
Healing takes time.
It’s a messy business. The road to recovery is littered with land mines full of past triggers.
Some days you will step on one and it will not activate a trigger, you will be able to use your newfound wisdom to regulate your emotions. You will dance a Happy dance & celebrate the new you!
There will come a day, when you innocently get triggered out of the blue…and you will be blown to smithereens….!
You will feel as if you are wearing your skin inside out and that your entrails are dragging behind you. You will feel as if you are failing & flailing.
These are the dark days.
The duvet days.
The days where you need to tread softly. As there are new shoots & tendrils emerging from the deitrus of the past. Hope is beginning to bud once more, it most be cultivated slowly & softly.
So on those days when the curtains are drawn and the phone goes to voicemail.
Know that in the darkness, a seed is germinating.
Your spirit is coming back to life.
Give it time.
Give it patience
Give it love.
You will be forever changed but life will do that to you. As the Reed yields & bends it will never be broken. Hearts can break but your soul is invincible.
©️Fiona Ní Mhuirri